there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
wow bdsm is so cute
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
