Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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