The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize