I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize