Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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