even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
