we're chasing vodka with high fives
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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