Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
