We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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