I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
try to milk me bitch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
