And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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