There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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