Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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