Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
