Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
