Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
