woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
