He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it's like heaven, but drunker
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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