She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
