just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
