Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
