Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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