I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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