You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
