I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
