I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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