Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
