she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
