I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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