Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize