So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
