remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
