I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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