I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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