He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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