i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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