I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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