He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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