So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
