Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You were trust falling into bushes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
