I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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