i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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