why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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