false alarm. still invincible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
