i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
