dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
