I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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