When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
