i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
