Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
