i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
