im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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