Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
