I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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