no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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