the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
