almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
