Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
