Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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