I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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