he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
