And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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