Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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