i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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