do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
