I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
