A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
